With all the inappropriate attention circulating out there in the media, I feel that the appropriate thing to do is properly address these misconceptions. First, NO ONE has ever said publicly or privately that with 100% certainty Chris Rock is the father of my son. Let us get that straight! Due to the period, Chris and I were together with the OBGYN records it does point directly to him. I have turned these documents and personal diaries over to the Judge along with both our lawyers. My lawyer and I were in constant contact with another attorney who represents yet another woman that believes Chris is the father of her child (she has had several test done w/ Chris). The attorney (amongst others) forewarned me that, in his exact word “Chris taints his DNA” “he plays dirty”. This lawyer not only told me this but my attorney as well. Do to confidentiality; a majority of privileged information was between the lawyers. I so know she too was drug through the mud publicly by his team. Her background searched as if she was attempting to obtain clearance to enter the “White House”. Personal, private information obtained by goons some legally while other information obtained illegally. Unfortunately, if you do not have 100 million in the bank you cannot protect or defend yourself. NBC back in August asked me to do an interview in New York. The day I was leaving for my trip to the big apple I received a phone call from one of the producers stating that Chris publicist Leslie called screaming over the fact they ask to do an interview. Leslie, I am told even went as far as to “lie” that I would be arrested if I stepped on the plane. NBC Universal still had me come to New York. I did a one on one interview with Egypt from the “Black Carpet”, “Power 106”. The main reason for doing the interview was to set the record straight. I had gone out of my way to ignore request for interviews. I did however give comments via email to our local paper. I also stated, “This is a personal issue and please respect the privacy of both families”. We requested a “gag order” in which the Judge ordered at that time. The next day after the interview took place NBC Universal received a stack of papers from Chris’s New York lawyer (not the same one I had dealt with 10 yrs ago or the lawyer representing him in the DNA case) on why they felt the interview should not air. Here comes the big wig over at the show, to talk with me about these papers he looked at me and said “I have never seem someone go to such lengths to keep someone quite, what is it that he is so afraid you will say”. I heard the results of the DNA test over the phone from a reporter from the associated press asking me for a comment. Now, I took the test with my son and two bodyguards. We were instructed to show proof of who we were, sign this & that after about 1 ½ hrs they swabbed our mouth and that was that. I took my test in the state that I reside with my state driver’s license. Chris being a New Jersey resident somehow allowed to take his test in the state of New York and was also able to give an old California drivers license to top it off did not have his complete legal given name on it. Huh! Now I have been told by a high profile, high powered, well respected lawyer that insists he “taints his test” “plays dirty” “buys people off”, blah blah blah! All this has been in the back of my mind. With all of the lies that were circulating out there, threats not to forget to mention all the warnings. To boot he announced the results of the first test to the press while under a “gag order” I was instructed that neither party was to discuss nor disclose any information relating to the proceedings of the case! My lawyer was on stand by during my interview, legal counsel in order not to over step a ruling first approved the questions they wanted to ask me. Now this is where I should back up a bit…in the beginning of our case proceedings Rock’s lawyer asked the judge to order that “either party had the right to a second test regardless of the out come of the first”…the judge granted the request and it became part of the order. Since the first test, NO second test has been given or allowed. See, I do not know if the claims that Chris “taints his test” etc. are true or false. All I can say is that enough doubt along with concern for the way the testing happened; it sadly was in my head since day one. I would like the second test; I would prefer that a third party (maybe a member of the court even) verify it. I have been in contact with a new lawyer who feels he can handle this matter back home. I have never had any animosity towards Chris; I think things just got out of hand! I do not condone his bullying and prying into things that had absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. He sure does not do that type of research when he has sex with women. He had his team go out of their way to make me look like a nut. Not all the drama was necessary. He went out of his way to be an asshole! I was approach by several people last year in regards to writing a book. However, they wanted a book about the case, something I was not willing to do. I have every right to tell my story, to defend myself. I have every right to have him hold up to the original order. If he did or did not, only he will know. Nevertheless, to go out of his way to ruin me, run me into the ground was unacceptable! Do I believe in my heart & mind that something funky went on with the DNA test? I will put it this way; I have had too many people tell me that he does. I am doubtful, very doubtful about the way things went on his side. Too many coincidences not to be doubtful or concerned that there was foul play. I am not some harden criminal. Yes, I have dealt with issues in my past. Everything was being grossly blown out of proportion and misconstrued. Why is it people get off on seeing a old DUI mug shot is beyond me (no one looks good at 4am in dui mug shot), get real do people expect you to be like Paris Hilton and fix our hair & makeup to pose for a mug shot? Hell no, let’s do the math; dui usually means drunken, mug shot means you have just been cuffed and taken to the pokey…don’t know to many people who are looking their best during those experiences. How dare someone who does not know me place such judgment! No, I have not lived everyday in the perfect light. No one is infallible. Yes, I have been involved in the courts at a point in my life. I have paid my dues. Yes, I have had a first offense DUI (yrs ago). No, I am not a welfare recipient. Yes, I have a wonderful job that I love (no I do not have to prove to a complete stranger where I work). Yes, I pay my taxes. Yes, I live a life of recovery. I work a 12-step program and will for the rest of my life. I am proud to say for 943 days 3 hrs, 81486043 clean heartbeats and 20371527 clean breaths! This BS about some cell phone deal, NOT that it is anyone’s business (seems to be a big question with people); I was in an abusive relationship for too long we lived together, I bought him a cell phone for Christmas. After he beat the hell out of me for the last time, never paid the bill, added on lines for his family in my name, I got a restraining order against him, and the out come was I was stuck with the bill due to the fact it was in my name. The end, my personal issues are just that personal! People who read a few lines and think they know you or your life are sadly mistaken. Just because someone has been arrested or dates a black man does not mean they cannot have a life or be treated as a normal man/woman. You pay the price and you move on. I judge people by the way they treat me. I would never by their personal credit score or their criminal record. NO ONE is perfect by any means. I seek the truth; we have a right to the truth. Today, I live an honest and happy private life. All I have is today.
~Kali
August 01, 2008 Freedom from guilt Page 223
"Our addiction enslaved us. We were prisoners of our own mind and were condemned by our own guilt."
Basic Text, p. 7
Guilt is one of the most commonly encountered stumbling blocks in recovery. One of the more notorious forms of guilt is the self-loathing that results when we try to forgive ourselves but don't feel forgiven.
How can we forgive ourselves so we feel it? First, we remember that guilt and failure are not links in an unbreakable chain. Honestly sharing with a sponsor and with other addicts shows this to be true. Often the result of such sharing is a more sensible awareness of the part we ourselves have played in our affairs. Sometimes we realize that our expectations have been too high. We increase our willingness to participate in the solutions rather than dwelling on the problems.
Somewhere along the way, we discover who we really are. We usually find that we are neither the totally perfect nor the totally imperfect beings we have imagined ourselves to be. We need not live up to or down to our illusions; we need only live in reality.
Just for Today: I am grateful for my assets and accept my liabilities. Through willingness and humility, I am freed to progress in my recovery and achieve from from guilt.
Copyright © 2007, NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments